i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
