If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
