walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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