And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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