Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
