I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
