he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
