i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
