I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
