I want to stick my p in your. b.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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