I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
