When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
