So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
