he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
