between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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