you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
