dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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