Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
