I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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