i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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