Who wears a wallet chain?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
