You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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