Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
