i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
