I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
