Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
