I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
