I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
