Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
