I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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