He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
