On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
