I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
