I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
