I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
