I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
