Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
