Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
