when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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