I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
