omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You ruined the universe
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
