She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
