in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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