i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
