i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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