I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
