it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
