U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
God, I missed his penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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