We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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