**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Even my vagina gasped.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
