SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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