We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
